It is time to reestablish our boundaries with people.
We are living in a time when people have made it clear that they will advance upon you as far as you will allow.
Have you ever jumped online and before you know it, someone will just hit you with a “good morning”? Of course, they can’t possibly know that you haven’t had your morning coffee yet. That you are not operating on all cylinders yet and not interesting in engaging them in random conversation. It is enough to make you want to pull out your remaining hairs, regardless of their color!
But I’ll tell you this…if you have not set an expectation, and delivered that expectation to others, then you have not set a boundary.
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Now, these boundaries!
I believe that one small, but dominant reason people have become so presumptuous is because social media provides immediate access to one another. This is how it works. If a person posts a pic or video of themselves half-naked with a caption that reads, “I’m waiting for you to DM me”, they can’t get angry when droves of the same and opposite sex shows up in your inbox saying inappropriate things to them, then say, “hey it was just a pic or it was just a video”…,no it was an invite.
But if you are not about that life and you find someone advancing upon you, whether it be social media or out in the real world, there are a few things that you can do to establish a lasting boundary without resulting to insult and anger.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes people can be weirdos and creeps and trolls who need to be put in their place. But, if you want true peace in your life and your social media platforms, you must set boundaries.
When you set boundaries with people you are saying to them,
Show me some respect…
Give me some space…
and here is a list of acceptable actions when dealing with me.
Some people will respect your boundaries right away, while others will get immediately offended. They take it personal and those are the exact ones who need boundaries the most.
I have a niece who calls my brother every single day at least five times a day. Of course, he loves his daughter, but it drives him insane to be at work trying to engage her while he is cutting hair.
Real world scenario.
He was cutting hair the other day when she called. He sent her to voicemail and continued cutting his client.
She called right back.
He picked up the phone.
She asked, “What are you doing?”
He replied that he was in the middle of giving someone a haircut.
Her reply was, “That was so rude to just send me to voicemail”, and began talking.
He told her that he was busy and would have to call her back later.
She said, “I know you’re busy but I just have to tell you this one thing”.
This is a clear example of someone who has no respect for boundaries.
(I’m not worried about her getting angry because she’s in Poland, and she doesn’t read..haha)
What they want from you is so much more important than what you are doing. It is so annoying. Enough to drive you insane. And I will tell you another thing, that person KNOWS that you don’t like it, but feels completely comfortable walking across that boundary because you did not enforce it.
You can’t just whine and say, hey I told you I was busy, and then allow them to continue to advance forward with their wants and needs.
NO!
You must be firm, you must be insistent, overprotective of your boundaries, of your space, of your right to backseat someone who has no respect for your time.
Now how to do go about the business of handling someone who doesn’t respect your boundaries?
Well, that part is not as easy because the average person does not want to offend those in their loving circle. Even in the face of being offended, it is difficult and unreasonable to be disrespectful to someone you have respect genuine respect for. I get it. But keep in mind of who is the attacker and who is being attacked.
When someone steps over the boundaries that you have in place, they are letting you know that they have no respect for you. This person has no respect for what you want. They do not know their place with you, and more importantly, they do not see any consequences for stepping over your boundary.
I did a video a while ago about boundaries.
Click here to watch the full video on my YouTube channel. Please take a moment to subscribe while you’re there.
You have the right to your peace of mind, your privacy.
You have the right to share as much or as little as you choose.
Don’t allow people jump your boundary!
Let’s say that someone asks you on a Monday how much you make at your job, and you do not feel comfortable telling them.
You reply, “I would rather not discuss my salary”.
On Wednesday, during another conversation with the same person, they casually slip in, “How much did you say you made again?”
At this point that person is deliberately walking across your boundary with no regard to you or the boundary that you set.
It is fair and reasonable at this point to reply…
“You asked me on Monday how much I make, and I told you that I would rather not discuss salary. Now it is Wednesday, and you are asking me again how much money I make again after I told you that I don’t discuss salary?”
The boundary jumpers reply will be general shock in addition to a weak rebuttal like, “”h man it is not a big deal I just want to know how much you make because I was considering applying for a similar job”, Something like that.
This is a soft way of trying to coax you yet again into getting their question answered without regard for you, your privacy, or your boundary.
It is a high form of disrespect and shows that that person is of little character, has very little respect for you, and is highly narcissistic.
Your reply should be forceful and deliberate at this point because that is exactly what a boundary should be forceful and deliberate.
In most cases the person will back off at this point.
But keep in mind that the way that a person reacts to you being firm about your boundaries says a great deal about them and the nature of your relationships with them.
I want to thank you for taking the time as I know how valuable it is, mine and yours.
I’ll see you next time.
Peace
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